I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you had me at cake vodka
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
