i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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