I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
