Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
