I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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