Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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