I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
