i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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