After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
