tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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