I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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