Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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