I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
