In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
