I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
