Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
