i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
