Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
