Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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