so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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