apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
