They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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