I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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