I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
