I'm going to jail i love you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
