the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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