she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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