watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
