There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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