My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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