After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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