Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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