I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
