I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
