I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
