I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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