Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
