i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
