You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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