I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
