My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
