Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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