Acid is not a monday night drug
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
