I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
