Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
