i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
