You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
