it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
