Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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