The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
